


I can feel it running thru my body

by thesongofdarkness



Series: Sam is not okay [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depression, Episode: s08e23 Sacrifice, One Shot, POV Sam Winchester, Season/Series 08, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 14:33:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3695900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesongofdarkness/pseuds/thesongofdarkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam's thoughts about the trials.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I can feel it running thru my body

I can feel it running thru my body, the guilt, the evilness, the evidence for all the things I did wrong. I can feel it calling out, screaming that I am evil, shouting that I am a monster. I can feel the hope dying in my veins; I can feel it turning bitter, into fear, into hate. I can feel it running thru me.  
I can feel it dripping from my body, all the things that was wrong is now right. With every cut I take I can feel it getting better, I am cleaning myself, purifying me. Soon…soon I will be okay. Soon I will be clean of all this evilness.  
I know it’s true. I can feel it in my veins.  
But now all the things that were right are wrong.  
All the things that made me happy now make me sad.  
All the hope I had is crushed, it’s gone, it’s lost.  
All my plans, all the people, it’s gone.  
All the words I were going to say, all the things I was going to do, it’s too late.  
All the things are falling apart. Piece by piece, the idyll is dying, we don’t talk, we don’t discuss, you are just silent. Judging me, hating every word I say.  
All the things I had are burning. Burning up, till there is nothing left.  
All the things that once were beautiful have turned ugly. All that once was gold has now turned to coal, all that once glittered has turned to dust.  
All the children has grown up. All their dreams has been crushed, we didn’t save them, we killed them. We let the earth soak up their blood, and the rain wash away their tears.  
All the heroes has turned into villains. None of the fairytales ended happily, no one got a second change, no one got happy. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, only more darkness.  
All the hope has died. All the hope that once burned so bright has burnt out.  
All the promises are broken. All the holy things, destroyed.  
All the prayers are left unanswered.  
All the angels have left. All the demons has risen. All the goodness has turned bad.  
All the questions is remaining, and all the hope has turned to fear  
All the answers are gone and the colors have turned to grey.  
All my dreams have turned into nightmares and the smiles into tears.  
The path has lost it’s purpose, nothing makes sense.  
Everything is just lies, and sadness.  
Everything is just wrong and I don’t know how to fix them.


End file.
